Small Kindnesses

This morning, a memory surfaced that I realize has had a profound effect on my life.  I recalled my first grade teacher, Miss Johnson, standing in front of the class and putting on her "gloves of kindness". 

She would put the gloves on as she recited the golden rule: "Do to others what you would have them do to you".  I'm sure she taught us many other things that school year, but this is what I remember and have carried with me throughout my life.

It's interesting that most major religions have some variation of the golden rule as a major tenet:

• Christianity:  "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets". Matthew 7:12
  
• Judaism:  "What is hateful to you, do not to your fellow man. This is the law: all the rest is commentary." Talmud, Shabbat 31a.
• Hinduism: "This is the sum of duty: do not do to others what would cause pain if done to you." Mahabharata 5:1517 
  
• Islam:   None of you [truly] believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself." Number 13 of Imam "Al-Nawawi's Forty Hadiths." 
• Buddhism:  "Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful." Udana-Varga 5:18
• Native American:  "All things are our relatives; what we do to everything, we do to ourselves. All is really One." Black Elk 
  

Some religions teach that we are born evil and are in need of salvation in order to be right before God. In my many years of working with very young children, I have to say I have found the opposite to be true. Even toddlers demonstrate compassion for each other.  If one child is hurt or sad, another will show concern, place an arm around that child, offer to get a band-aid or help in some way.

I remember my own granddaughter, when little more than one year old, hugging trees and flowers, seeming to feel an affinity for them as fellow life forms on planet Earth.

Children are born innocent...I believe that unkindness is learned behavior, often taught by observing the unkind words and actions of adults. I wonder if parents and grandparents (myself included) really think about the impact their everyday behavior has on their children. We are all imperfect and sometimes say or do things that are less than kind, but we can resolve to be mindful and self-reflective, striving to perform small acts of kindness everyday, to say words that encourage rather than criticize and judge. It's so important that we allow our children to see us behaving in ways that demonstrate compassion and empathy for others, rather than disdain for the homeless beggar or road rage towards the careless driver.

We live in a country beset by political and cultural divisions, where, sadly, some children are learning hatred and intolerance of those different from themselves.  But maybe, if each of us resolves to perform small kindnesses everyday and to teach this behavior to our children and grandchildren, the world will begin to change. We can certainly hope, pray and DO our best.

*Photograph by Marco Mancinelli, "The Age of Innocence"

Where is My Happy Place?

 I've heard people refer to their "happy place"....a place that connects them to something real and soul-affirming; a place that brings them joy. It may be a vacation spot or a walking trail; an art studio or a boat; it may simply be their own backyard, a joyful memory, or a beautiful place they imagine going.

Our happy place may be something we do: listening to music, singing or dancing, hugging our children or grandchildren, picking berries, cooking and eating a delicious meal.. watching the sunset on the lake.

This morning, as I walked my little dog Shamus, I closed my eyes for a few seconds and listened to the symphony of bird song; I felt the soft caress of  morning breeze on my face and I smelled the bouquet of  every tree and flower that I passed.  I felt joy and gratitude well up in me and realized that this "now moment" can be my happy place, if I just tune in to the pulse of life and embrace it with my whole being.

So often we think we have to go somewhere or wait for a different, less stressful period in our lives to be happy. But we can always choose, at any time, to embrace the beauty of the moment.  We can stop and pause, take a deep breath, go outside into nature if possible, and use all our senses to truly experience the life around us.  

Like Dorothy in the "Wizard of Oz", we can wake up from our dream and realize that our "happy place" is not "somewhere over the rainbow" but right where we are, in our own backyard, wherever God has placed us in life.

 

Secrets of the Garden

The morning is soft and gray...as I walk through the garden without my glasses, the colors of the flowers are muted and indistinct, like a Monet painting.  All is washed fresh by yesterday's rain and as I breathe deeply, I feel immersed in a cloud; moisture seeping into my parched soul.  I see that the garden has come alive: the Hydrangeas have opened; Shasta daisies, Echinacea and Day lilies have begun their month long display, and I am filled with gratitude for the beauty of flowers.

I remember reading once that flowers, more than anything else in creation, speak to us of the nature of God.  They exist simply to be beautiful and to create nectar for the bees, who in turn pollinate everything in nature. They fascinate our senses with their intricate and varied designs, beautiful fragrance and  spectacular array of colors. Who else but a loving God would create something so lovely to paint the earth and remind his children to appreciate beauty in all its forms?  The evidence for the Creator is truly in the creation.

When I was going through a particularly difficult period in my life, I planted many of the flowers that so bless me now. I had the feeling that if I could create something beautiful for each painful experience, I would transform my world in some way.  It worked, in many ways, at least to help me through that time, and now, the garden has become a peaceful sanctuary, a place to rest and heal. There is a lot of maintenance of course, but even the act of working in the garden is therapeutic. The plants absorb pain, sadness and grief and offer their gifts of peace and loveliness in return.

When my daughters were young, we read The Secret Garden, by Frances Hodgson Burnett, a well-known classic about the healing power of a garden. The girls loved the story and every so often we would watch the movie-it always made us cry.  I will finish today's reflection with a lovely quote from the book that speaks to my heart:

“Sometimes since I've been in the garden I've looked up through the trees at the sky and I have had a strange feeling of being happy as if something was pushing and drawing in my chest and making me breathe fast. Magic is always pushing and drawing and making things out of nothing. Everything is made out of magic, leaves and trees, flowers and birds, badgers and foxes and squirrels and people. So it must be all around us. In this garden - in all the places.”

 

Freedom and Happiness

 What is freedom?  It sounds like one of those existential questions posed in Philosophy 101, which requires an essay response.  But it is a question worth pondering now and then, especially around July 4th, when we celebrate our nation's independence.  "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness...."  These familiar words from the Declaration of Independence remind us that life itself and liberty as the ability to make our own choices in the pursuit of happiness, are gifts from God.  No one should ever be able to take these away from us. Though we still  have to abide by society's rules and respect our fellow human beings, we can, for the most part, find our own path in life and change course at any time. We are blessed to live in a country that allows us that freedom.

So I begin this day by giving thanks for these gifts and countless others that I rarely acknowledge.  I give thanks for my physical body that, though it's getting older, is a miracle in itself.  Everyday, I wake up and am able to move freely. I can walk outside and see the sunrise, listen to the morning birds and smell the fragrance of the earth.  I can taste fresh strawberries and the first sip of hot coffee.  I can listen to music or sing, dance, write or read.  I can hug someone or pet my dog, care for my garden, feed the birds...so many choices! If I have to go to work, I can change my attitude about that and find things to be thankful for in the job that I do, the people I am surrounded with everyday. When we really think about it, the ordinary becomes extraordinary; we see that the things we take for granted everyday are really to be celebrated! 

So, if I were to write that essay on "what is freedom", I would say that, more than anything, it is a state of mind.  No matter what our physical circumstances, our spirits are as free as we allow them to be. We always have the ability to think, dream, imagine and pray our way through any situation. I would sum it up by saying that freedom is the ability to let go of anything that hinders, makes us feel constrained or unhappy and to fully embrace the blessings that each day holds, writing our own story as we go.  

To quote a familiar song by Bobby McFerrin:

 Don't worry be happy
In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double
Don't worry be happy!