Giving Up Control

 "When we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take that first step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen-  there will be something solid for us to stand on or God will teach us to fly"- "Faith", by Patrick Overton, The Leaning Tree.

For years, I had a calligraphy wall hanging with this quote in my front hall. It spoke to me on a level that I didn't fully understand until now. Faith is so much more than a profession of belief or an adherence to dogma; it is a willingness to surrender all to a God we cannot see or really even comprehend.  Sometimes, we don't fully realize how difficult true faith is until we are in a situation where we must simply trust that there is a Benevolent Being who will take over when we have come to the end of ourselves, when we have nothing left to give.

It's really hard to give up control, to let go of our attachment to a certain outcome and to release our expectations for someone or something. Many of us, particularly women of a certain generation, are nurturers and "fixers"... always wanting to make things better, more beautiful, closer to the ideals that we hold in our minds.  But people don't always appreciate our attempts to mold them as a potter molds clay, to lend a hand, to offer a band-aid.  Sometimes what's needed is to let someone fall and then pick themselves up with God's help, not ours.

This definition of faith applies to so many situations in life really.  Whenever we seem to come to a roadblock, where the way forward is unclear and a little (or a lot) scary, we can surrender our sense of control and our expectations, pause to pray and then just wait...for a glimmer of light on the path, for the "something solid to stand on", for some newfound ability to fly.  Sometimes, to do nothing and simply wait for a sign or a bit of guidance, is the best course of "action" we can take.

So on this wintry morning, as we think about those we love and care deeply for, may we trust that God knows them best and is doing a good work in each one of them.  May we trust the people and situations in our lives to that Higher Power who lives in and all around us, breathing life into all.

Deep Winter Hope

 It is the wee hours of the morning, in the midst of a winter storm. I look out my window and see the swirl of snow sparkling in the glow of our post light.

It looks beautiful in this moment, like crystalline fairy flakes floating down from heaven to cover the ground. I pause to pray and ask: "Is there a lesson in this time of cold and ice, when hope seems lost, in nature and in the world?"

I think of a story I recently read to the children at school about animal hibernation. The illustrations were all of the burrows and tunnels that small animals dig to survive the deep, cold winter. They have storehouses of food and straw to keep themselves warm. Like us, larger creatures, burrowing in our homes, storing up food, bundling in warm clothes and huddling next to our fireplaces. We wait for spring, prayerfully, hopefully anticipating the thawing of ice and the emergence of new life.

My third grandchild was born this past week; a precious, miraculous new life, brought into the world in the dead of winter, a message of hope. I look into her tiny, beautiful face and touch her delicate little hands, marveling at the wonder of it all. Psalm 139 comes to mind: "For you formed my inward parts; you covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made..."

This "dark night of the soul" that is deep wintertime, is brightened by the affirmations of life all around: the birth of a baby; a bright red cardinal on a snowy branch; the warmth and kindness of others; the warm glow of the Spirit in our hearts.

Strengthened in the Source of all Being

  As I look out the window and see gray, cold and snow once more. I am trying not to be too discouraged. but it's a challenge. February is like winter's "hump day", sandwiched between the fierce cold of January and the tease of spring in March and I find myself in need of a little encouragement (maybe you do too?) So, I am reposting a blog from February 2019 that sums up my morning thoughts exactly:

Winter is long and hard and sometimes life's circumstances can be difficult; they may even seem overwhelming. Some days, it's easy to feel discouraged and just want to crawl back in bed. But on these days, I remind myself that I am strong when I am weak. When I allow myself to be weak and vulnerable, to let down my guard and trust fully in the Source of all Being, his/her strength flows through me, limited only by my own lack of emptiness.

Let me explain:

To the degree that I am "full of myself" and consumed by my own problems, God's presence will not be fully known. In Alcoholics Anonymous, people can only begin to recover when they admit their powerlessness over the addiction and are willing to trust in a Higher Power for strength to overcome what has control over their lives. 

The principles of AA can apply to most of life's most difficult and challenging circumstances.  When I am willing to surrender my fears, my doubts, my constant trying to be whatever other people expect of me, and just ask for help from a Strength that finds nothing impossible, I begin to see a light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.

It is difficult, I admit, to empty me of me.  There is so much going on in my brain and body that keeps me constantly trying to do everything, solve every problem, be everything to everyone, that emptying of self is a real challenge. 

But I can start with today, this moment, breathing and releasing; trusting in my Source to provide all that I need to go forward courageously in spite of my fear.  There is an often repeated quote that has been attributed to many people; the first I believe was Mark Twain:  "Courage is not the absence of fear, but the willingness to go on in spite of it".

I ask for help, take a step forward and act courageously, because I know that God will strengthen me.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for your God will be with you wherever you go.”   Joshua 1:9