A Simple Offering

 The man standing outside the church door was shivering and his eyes implored me as he asked, "did I miss the meal? I didn't know what time it was..." 

Tom and I were on our way out after helping to serve meals to about 80 poor and homeless people on this December day. The doors had been locked for several minutes after the usual Sunday meal that the downtown Rochester church provided, but I could not let this man go away empty handed. I went back inside and asked for one more takeout meal. As I handed him the meal, he thanked me profusely and looked at me with kind, soulful eyes. Such a simple gift, this exchange...a meal for a look into someone's soul. My heart broke for him and I uttered a silent prayer for his protection.

We came home to our warm, cheery house with its Christmas lights, festive tree and fireplace and I thought again of this man. Where did he go?  Did he have a home?  I felt so enormously grateful for all the comforts and blessings that we take for granted, but at the same time, a deep sadness welled, for I had looked into the man's eyes, felt his suffering, and was powerless to help. I thought of the others who came in for a meal -- the woman who walks around with all her belongings in a cart and loves to sit for as long as possible, savoring the warmth and food. The man who is so polite and kind, always profusely expressing his gratitude to the volunteer servers. I always wonder about them as I pray: What are their stories? How did they get where they are in life? What can I do other than serve them a meal, offer a kind word and a smile?

I don't know the answers to these questions, of course, but maybe if I keep asking, rather than pretending I don't see as I've done before in my life, the answers will be revealed.

As we draw closer to Christmas Day and frantically try to finish all the last minute holiday preparations, I hope that each one of us finds time to pause, be silent, and reflect on the beautiful blessings that we often take for granted. My meditation for today is that our hearts would be fully opened to share the simple gifts of compassion, kindness and love, not only with our families, but with those in our communities who may be lost and alone.

 

Answered Prayer

Have you ever prayed for a person or situation for a very long time with seemingly no answer, to the point where you cry out: "are you there God?  is anyone listening? In these weak moments you may be overcome with worry or try to control the situation by taking some desperate action. You may have been about to give up hope, but that still small voice keeps telling you "all will be well, in time, so keep up the faith". So you continue to hold that person or situation in the Light, trying to maintain a small glimmer of hope that everything really will be made well in Divine right timing.

Then, when you least expect it, perhaps at a time when you've decided to surrender control of the situation and give up on worrying for awhile because you're exhausted, that loved one is healed, the young person returns home or a difficult situation changes. These are the "miracle moments", when we can proclaim "Wow! Look what God has done!"

This is a lesson that I desperately need to learn and remember. In the past year, I've had several personal situations that I've worried and lost sleep over, then tried to take action on my own strength and been flatly disappointed. Finally, I decided that every time I woke up in the wee hours with worry, I would simply hold that person or situation in the Light and visualize the Unity prayer of protection:

"The light of God surrounds you; the love of God enfolds you;
the power of God protects you; the presence of God watches over you...
wherever you are, God is".

In the moment, this prayer gives me peace and the ability to surrender control. Eventually, lo and behold, those prayers were answered....

I'm beginning to realize that sincere prayers are always answered, not always in the way that we like or expect, but in the way that fits with Divine will. The hard part is the surrender, the giving up of control, because in reality, the only things we have control over are our own thoughts and attitudes.  When we change these and give up the reins, we allow God to move in and work a miracle!

!

Bittersweet Holidays

The tree is up and beautifully decorated, the Christmas season is here with lights and cheer. So why am I not feeling more joyful, I ask myself? Then I remember: the holidays will never be the same again...

Christmastime can be bittersweet for those of us who've lost loved ones. The joy and beauty of the season can sometimes be overshadowed by our pain. Grief  can sneak up on you and overwhelm you at unexpected moments, because those special people who have left the earth never really leave our hearts.

My mother passed away eight years ago in January. The last month I spent with her before she went into the hospital and never left was a very special, yet deeply painful time. I took a leave of absence from work and stayed with her and my father at their home as she slowly died of cancer. 

I decorated their home, baked cookies, and helped my mother write her last Christmas cards. I bought little gifts to give to her neighbors and the people who came by to visit and help in any way they could. We watched Hallmark Christmas movies together, crying at their sentimental plot-lines. We prayed together, which gave us some peace, but did not bring healing, something I had to learn to accept in time.

Every Advent season, I revisit those memories and find that the pain never really goes away.  It is a part of me now, woven into the fabric that is the tapestry of my life. I guess I don't want it to go away, because, I realize as I grow older, that life itself is joy and pain, dark and light, beauty and ugliness.  It's all part of the wonderful, amazing, sometimes terrifying roller coaster ride that is life.  

I am deeply thankful that I had that last month with my mother, even though it makes me sad to think of it and to realize how much I will always miss her physical presence. She was the heart of our family and her memory lives on in her children and grandchildren. Her spirit lives on forever, of this I am sure!

For all of us who approach this season with bittersweet memories, my prayer today is that we would embrace all the joy and all the pain, allowing it to flow through us.... letting go of what we need to in order to move on, but holding the best part in out hearts.